


Undrunk

by Fake_Ruby



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: F/F, Gwen Centric, Gwen POV, Gwen/Merlin (Merlin) Friendship, No Gwen/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Past Gwen/Morgana (Merlin), Past Relationship(s), Post-Season/Series 04, Reflection, Regret
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-09
Updated: 2019-08-09
Packaged: 2020-08-13 20:47:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 594
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20180476
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fake_Ruby/pseuds/Fake_Ruby
Summary: Inspired by the song Undrunk by Fletcher and set just after the season four finale.In this universe Gwen and Arthur never had a romantic relationship.





	Undrunk

**Author's Note:**

> as always this was not beta'd

Regret.

That’s the first thing Gwen feels when she wakes up. Before her headache or queasy stomach or dry mouth. She feels regret. 

Gwen groans and rolls over in her large bed, coming face to face with a sleeping Merlin.

Memories from the night before start to come back. 

She remembers sending for Merlin, who arrived with a few bottles of wine as requested. She remembers dragging him into her new queen’s chambers, collapsing onto the rug by the fireplace and immediately taking a swig of wine straight out of the bottle.

She remembers asking Merlin to drink with her. Remembers how they laughed and how their shoulders brushed. Remembers the conversation turning more serious as they recounted the recent fight with Morgana.

Gwen remembers the pain she felt as she thought about Morgana, remembering who they used to be and thinking about who they are now. 

She remembers leaning in to kiss Merlin, trying to get her mind off of Morgana. Merlin had gently pushed her away and then led her to bed. 

Gwen remembers asking him to stay. She remembers the sad smile on his face as he agreed, climbing into bed beside her.

She wishes she could take it all back. Not just kissing Merlin or getting drunk. Everything. 

She wishes she hadn’t ignored the signs when Morgana returned after being captured for a year. Wish she hadn’t chalked her weird actions up to the time she spent as a captive.

Gwen wishes Morgana had trusted her more when she first discovered her magic. She wishes Morgana had confided in her so that Gwen could have lent her support.

She wishes she never loved Morgana. She wishes she had never taken Morgana to bed. Wishes she didn’t know how it felt to sleep with Morgana in her arms. Wishes she didn’t know how it felt to kiss her lips or taste her skin.

Gwen wishes she’d never even met Morgana. Had never been hurt in this way.

“Morning,” Merlin murmurs sleepily, smiling at Gwen affectionately.

No. She doesn’t want to take back her time with Morgana. And she can’t spend her life regretting the past. She has to move forward. 

She’s a queen now. Not married to someone she loves, but in a position where she can help the people of Camelot. A servant to the kingdom, not an individual.

She gets along with her husband, they work well together, and they both know their relationship is not one of romantic love, but one built on shared experiences and mutual respect. 

She has her brother Elyan, who she has rebuilt her relationship with.

She has her best friend Merlin, who has always been at her side. Someone she has confided in about the truth of her relationship with Morgana. Someone who understood her feelings for another woman. Someone who confessed to his own love for a royal of the same gender. And when Gwen had admitted how hurt she was that Morgana didn’t trust her with her magic, Merlin had confessed his own magic. It was a secret he had not told to anyone else in Camelot, but something he trusted her with.

He assured Gwen she had done nothing wrong to make Morgana believe she could not trust Gwen. Said that Morgana was already headed down a dark path, and neither of them could have prevented it. Said he still felt guilt nonetheless.

Gwen smiles at Merlin, returning his greeting and planting a kiss on his nose. 

She can’t undo her past, but she can work towards a better future.

**Author's Note:**

> kudos and comments always appreciated!


End file.
